Tuesday, October 31, 2006


So I got one.

It's rather huge, but that just means I can dump my whole room inside.

It was Saturday night after Campus when I first entertained the thought of saving for one after my friend told me about how he did so. It's roomy, the bag, but still $179 is quite the fortune to pay for a bag.

On Sunday my cousin Sandra and my parents were walking at the Raffles City Marketplace when we walked past the Crumpler shop, and I slowed to scan for prospective models.

Immediately (it was quite alarming actually), Sandra looked where I was staring and said, 'You like it? You like the bag?'

'Um... well I was thinking of saving for one, yes...'

'But you like it? YOU LIKE THE BAG??'

At which point my father jumped in.

'You like it? You want it? You like the bag? Come! I buy for you! You want or not! You like the bag?'

'Um. Ok?'

Isn't it nice to have people fawn over you once in awhile.

As much as I am grateful to my father for splashing such money on me (yes. it is splashing) I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the conversation he held with my mother. My mother was quite naturally appalled at the extravagant prices, and my father said 'Aiyah it's ok la. I'm not spoiling them la, but at their age, they need identity...'

Identity. Lol.

Honestly, I like the Crumpler more for the space and the uber sweet shoulder strap. The cushion is damn comfortable can.

It's nice to have branded goods, but I'm not exactly insisting that all Christmas presents if any have to be Bvlgari and above.

Actually as I am typing this in school, I realise that apart from my specs, which happen to be quite good quality stuff, just about everything else I have is branded. Half of the stuff are things people blessed me with. My phone (in part anyway), my hoodie, my watch, my shoes, my bag, my Nike t-shirt, my Dockers pants.

You don't have to be rich to be blessed with material people.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


It's funny how you think you know all you need to know, and then God gives you a little flick on the forehead and you're sent flying through 8 walls of concrete with the realization of another retardedly simple truth.

You feel stupid, but thank God His truths are retardedly simple. Well most of them anyway. All the easier for us to understand.

Out of desperation, see previous post, I finally took my huge CD wallet out and flipped to the Sermons section. Sandra had burnt quite abit for me, the best of her collection, and well they've been happily tucked away in slumber for close to 2 years now. So when I got to the Sermons section the first CD that caught my attention was the 3-CD series The Awesome Love of our Father, from NCC.

It probably was God (I wanted to say 'It must have been God' but something's preventing me, so I'll just go with that feeling) who led me to feel the need for sermons, but as the sermon went on, I was quite mortified to realise just how much I was missing out on. I do still have abit of difficulty reading the Bible, so I guess this is a good alternative. There's a place for reading the Bible systematically, but sermons give you what you need. Guess you can say that sermons give you weapons; reading the Bible armours you.

Hai idiotic.

When the glow dies

So far I have blogged about the joys of Christianity.

No matter what I do, I find myself moving away from God. It's terrible. All the joys you've found in the glow of the Spirit disappears, and for me, I'm back to where I was two weeks earlier. Someone who calls himself a Christian, when he can't even feel God's presence when he calls out to Him.

Today I didn't attend class. Instead I stayed at home. I listened to worship for one and a half hours, calling and calling for Jesus to bring His presence into the room, into me, that I may be comforted. That I may know He is still with me, still beside me. And I went to pray. I asked God all sorts of questions, even when I knew the answers to half of them. Where are You God? Where are You when I need You? What's going on in my life Lord? Tell me! Tell me, I need to know what is going on!

Again negative thoughts overwhelm me. When I appeal to Jesus to please take them all away, please just fill me with Your peace and love instead, there is no answer. No relief. And the more I try to move myself away from it, the more negative thoughts come in. The more they attack. The more they feast on my depression. The more they try to kill me.

I feel abit better now. Is it because of Jesus? Or is it because I poured it all out here? I need to take control of my life, and yet it is spiralling out of reach. All I need is You Lord. Yet, where are You?

Lead me to You. Please.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

He Hears

12 posts, wow. And now 13. No idea I posted that much here.

The Journal of Influence, on the other hand, isn't seeing too much of a business.

Anyway today I attended my church's 3rd service. In the main auditorium. Sian Hwa, for those who know him, was right. The acoustic experience in the audi was very different from overflow rooms. And I realised, in all its clarity, that the drummer uses a trigger. Never heard that one in the overflow.

I was kinda asking the Lord for one of my favourite songs to play during worship, but worship today was not too good - I didn't know half the darned songs. But it's alright, I thought, doesn't matter all that much. So we went through communion, the service, the post-service standards...

And just as I got ready to leave the auditorium, the drummer clicked his sticks four times, and the beginning strains of Salvation Is Here began to play. I froze where I was for awhile, and then seeing a row of empty seats, bundled myself into the first couple of seats, threw my bags down, and began to worship.

And just as I had wanted, just as I had asked, I enjoyed releasing my life to the Lord, right there right then.

God isn't deaf, nor does He pretend to be. He hears and He gives.

God is good. Amen people?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006


Apart from the spiritual high I've experienced this weekend, I guess I'm proud to say that my Christian life has steadily been improving. Actually last weekend was more like a breakthrough, surfacing and finally being able to draw fresh sweet breaths of air after being helplessly submerged under the dark waters of negativity for so long. Well, quite long.

Angie, my Web Team superior, so to speak, from NCC, predicted that as we grow in the Lord we will look back, and we will be surprised at how much we have changed. When I entered Buffalo I called myself a Christian. I attended a church which I loved. And yet compared to now, I seemed like crap then! I observed to Ryan that I actually said Awesome God was a boring song.

H a h a ??

I read what seems like Ryan's earliest post (yes he has a blog. no he's not in my links. yes he will be when he starts updating. regularly.) and I was waxing about it to him. And do you know what he told me? According to him, he related the exact same thing to me a year ago.

And apparently in all seriousness I asked if he was alright, whether he was sure he wasn't possessed.

I actually asked that.

That is assuming he wasn't remembering wrongly, or... lying. o.0 He isn't an angel in disguise after all.

How do you know that for real Renhao? Ah shut it. Lol...

Anyway praise God huh? See now! Christian blog. Who'd have thought that my Christian musings would have gotten too much for my main blog? Seeing me back then, a Christian post would probably have made you think 'Did he ask his pastor to write this or something?'

And yet Lord, help me to change even more. Change me to be in line with Your holy will. Amen.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Blessings Flow Forth

As if it wasn't enough that I've had a God-saturated weekend, I woke up to blessings this morning. Yes it's Monday, and yes it's supposed to be a late day, I'm... well we are supposed to all sleep in to sleep off Monday blues, but today is the StompAIDS press conference, and there isn't quite the chance to sleep in when you have to be at Outram from Tampines at 8am.


So I beat my alarm clock to waking up, and slowly got changed. As I strolled down I was just about to press play on my Zen when the explosive start to my phone's ringtone startled the crisp morning silence.

Hello Bao.
Hey. Where are you?
Oh I'm... walking to the station actually.
Oh ok. I'm getting a cab I'll come pick you up.


Oh... ok..
Where are you ah?
Street 82.
K. See you.

You know, I thought that getting to school in a cab was a bomb. Bloody hell. Morning charge 2 bucks. ERP I dunno how in the world we travelled to amass 3 bucks. We managed to chalk a $20.30 cab fare.

And I paid um. 30 cents.

Well ok, Bao wanted to see whether we could claim from the $3000. She already forgot the receipt for the condoms (24!) and well they don't come cheap, even though they chose the cheapest, Okamoto.

When you are in the Lord, when you are in sync with Him. Blessings will chase you.


Sunday, October 15, 2006

Quiet Time

Yesterday I had the most amazing Quiet Time ever.

Campus itself filled me with a huge sense of shalom. For these past weeks I have been alternating between just ok, and bouts of negativity and slight depression. And I was right when I thought to myself, Campus is what I need to rejuvenate my love for God, my fire for Him. Oh and Ryan came too! And witnessed the glory of Lam Baoyan. Haha~

Not that that was worth anything as far as fire was concerned, although I enjoyed myself immensely...

All I saw, on the train, walking back, preparing for sleep, was just God, Jesus, Father, the Holy Spirit. Even now as I write, when I close my eyes I can see the invisible glory of God. Yes it's ok to read again until you get it.

When I settled to do my QT, here was my plan:

15min: tongues, + abit of silence to hear God, if He has anything to say (He did lor)
15min: Worship
15min: Prayer in English + abit more silence till I'm satisfied/fall asleep.

Almost everytime I struggled to keep the flow of tongues running. I wouldn't break the flow, but it was still an effort to keep it going without lapsing into distractions. This time it came so freely, and to an extent, so articulately, not like the usual mmbldibmboldulmdhv I speed through. And when it felt right I stopped. Stopped and rested peacefully in silence. I remember asking God what is it You wish to tell me o Lord. And this He said.

'I love you Renhao. More than anything in this world. I want you to know that.'

Wow. Wow wow wow. Don't you feel extra extra special when the very Being who created the land you reside on, the flowers you enjoy, the air you breathe, declares His unfailing everlasting love for you? So thank you God, I said, and when I felt that He'd said all He wanted (it's more than enough already for me) I went on to listening to worship songs. I said 15min right? Turn out half an hour lor.

As I turned my Zen off to proceed to the English Prayer part, I immediately thanked God for the fire within me, and I asked that Lord, let this feeling, this desire, never leave me. Let me feel so hot every day, every night, for You. And on to other things, but it was quite some time before I realised just how heavy the presence of God was in my room. It was very very saturating, as if He'd put as much of his presence as He could have into the room. It was pressing on me from all sides, from everywhere, and yet I felt no oppression, just calm and peace and love. And you know, not to boast, but I started saying and praying things that sounded so powerful to me, so... whoa, you know?

Brothers and sisters in Chirst have shared about these things with me, how they cry with joy in His presence, how they cannot stand but kneel in His awesome glory, and I always go 'wow', 'Praise God', 'Is that so!'. But let me tell you even as I recount this experience to you, that you are feeling NOTHING of it until it actually comes upon you, like it did on me. And I'll tell you this too. It will totally leave you wanting more. You will never want to stop. Such is the power of the experience.

I don't know who will read this. But you who are doing so, if you haven't already had such an experience, this prayer is for you. That when you truly believe for such an experience, just as long as you do, it won't be long before the Holy Spirit comes knocking for a cuppa with you. And when He does, you just take your time to chat with Him. Just take your own, sweet, time.

God bless.

-I have to learn to capitalize without having to run through the post a second time-

Friday, October 13, 2006

Dear Jesus


Even as I ask You now to help me love You more, Lord I ask You also to remind me to constantly ask that of You, O Lord, that I will grow each and every day in Your favour.

Give me divine strength, dear Father, to overcome temptations, evil thoughts planted in my mind. Grant me prudence and strength to rebuke them in Your mighty name instead of dwelling on and finally submitting to them O Lord, for You are my chosen God, not them.

Lord I thank You Your divine favour is and will always be surrounding me Lord, that people may take notice, and see, that I am a son of the most high God. Help me always O Lord to do the right thing, to see situations objectively and fairly, and O Lord to forgive those who have wronged me, for that is what Jesus did, even as he suffered in anguish on the cross. Help me Lord to forgive as He so graciously did.

I put my trust in You Lord, and I thank You that all things will in the end work out for good. When doubts enter my mind, Lord remind me that you are in total control Lord, and to trust in the Spirit and not the flesh. I hereby commit myself, and this day to you, in Jesus' name O Lord...


Thursday, October 05, 2006

Calling to Jesus

Whether I like it or not, it seems that feelings very easily take control of me. Today for reasons that are better left undisclosed, I was drowning in negative thoughts... plenty of why's floating about in my head. Following the advice of my royal advisor I was trying to 1) dismiss those thoguhts and 2) not give off the depressing aura I seem to be gifted at emanating.

This has happened countless times to me before, and I usually wait till it goes away. Or if I'm lucky my friend would ask me what was wrong and my God I would spill every species of beans you could possibly think of. Wait!, you say. You're a Christian what the hell. Can't you pray?

Sure I can. I can even give you a good fright by seizing your head in my hands and firing off in tongues at the top of my voice, commanding the demon latching itself to your neck to be gone while hopping on one foot.

It doesn't work for me. You may wonder what sort of Christian I am, when I can't do something simple as clearing negative thoughts with prayer. I tell you, I can go on in tongues for two eternities, at the end I will just sigh and fall back into my sad sad thoughts again.

Today I gave up trying to dispel my thoughts, sighing and whispering 'Jesus'.


Suddenly I remembered when Sandra told me about her friend whose knees promptly gave way when she saw a demon. Sandra was there, with a few other friends, and no one else saw it. But her friend did, and she was sitting on the floor, nearly sobbing. One of the others, not knowing what else to do, told her to say Jesus' name. Just keep saying it. Jesus. Jesus.


The demon left.

I closed my eyes and composed my mind as best as I could, letting my thoughts, like dust, settle. And then I began.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

Like a tide receding my thoughts left me one be one, the depression in my heart lifting like morning mist evaporating in the heat of the glorious Sun. And as light overcame darkness inside, I cemented it by putting a slow, careful prayer, in between muttering Jesus Jesus, to grant me shalom peace.

There was no need for joy to overwhelm me. There was no need to smile. But as I stepped off the train to what turned out to be a wonderful day, smooth as it could be, I felt like I was wearing an invisible smile beneath my expressionless mask, the smile a son usually wears after hooking his last finger with his Father's.

Brothers and sisters, when you are in a loss, when the world fails you, your best Friend is here for you. There is nothing wrong with tongues, but next time you find yourself in such a situation, try calling out to Jesus. He is with you always, even unto the end of the world (Matt 28:20). So call out to Him, and feel His love and peace flow through you, and wash all your worries and troubles away.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Christian Cults - Foreword

I wish to start with a series on Christian cults and their erroneous beliefs. The impression that I have gotten so far is that it doesn't really matter what they think, as long as we are in the right mind. As always I try to respect the views of others, but may I point out that the cult members obviously think that way as well, if not cults won't exist.

Now, imagine the souls out there who truly want to know God and yet are harvested by these people. Are we not leaving them to walk down the wrong path? What about those already in the cult, who are working so hard for a God they truly love, evangelising 24/7, WHAT IF they did NOT make the deliberate choice to join this sect knowing full well that sections of their doctrine are erroneous, what if they believed this was the genuine path to eternal paradise without a clue of the twisted facts behind the curtain?

I don't know about you folks, but I find this disastrous. Heck, I'm frowning even as I type this. Maybe it's because I used to be a real patsy, a total idiot who would lap up whatever was thrown at me (well I still do that occasionally but it's so much better compared to last time). And thinking how easily I would have been taken in by any of these misled speeches worries me. I'm glad the Lord has placed the tremendous (tremendous doesn't begin to describe it) blessing in my life in the form of my cousin Sandra (some of you know her as Ms Guitar... please just remember that she's called Sandra). I cannot perceive how I would have gone too far before she would have learnt of it and dragged me back handcuffed and straitjacketed, if that was even necessary. If she wasn't in my life, I could have left home to do missionary work in Alaska. For 18 months. For twisted beliefs.


My dear brothers and sisters in Christ.

Velcome. Velcome to Trannsylvania... wuhahahaha.

Let's try that again.

My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, welcome to my Christian branch blog. It is here that I intend to record insights and revelations our kind Father has provided me with, that you may hopefully be blessed with it. I also hope, though I am not sure how, that through this I will become a better Christian. Perhaps motivated by the habit of regular posting I shall want to seek more and more from the Lord to share with you all.

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