Saturday, November 18, 2006


There are some things you just don't tell anybody, or just your bestest best friend.

Hello my bruddas and sistars in Christ, I'm back at it again. Going emo hoo0~!

Yesterday, Friday, I wanted some time alone with Padre Mio. There was an hour left to the start of class. But gee in SIM, there's hardly a place private enough. Maybe the 5th level space, but even I cross that part sometimes to get to the other side of the floor. And since I'd be closing my eyes for the most part, I really won't be amused to open my eyes to see 3 people gaping at me in fear.

And I'd be speaking in tongues too. Not funny.

So I did what I thought was the next best thing and immersed myself in worship songs. Got this playlist in my MP3, my only playlist - I normally navigate by albums - of slow worship songs. Complete, At the Cross, Awesome God, Deeper, I Will Run to You... classics la. And I was just... feeling shitty and blahhed out.

If you haven't already figured, blahhed out gains its root from blah, a common expression of teens nowadays expressing off-ness and down-ness.

I can't even explain properly. Blah...

ANYHOO! As I was doing that (immersing myself in worship, not blahhing), Maria came up to me and rattled my shoulders, because I didn't react when she said hi from across the room. Actually if I reacted to anyone outside of my range of touch, you should become an orator. You have a loud voice to have gotten past my noise-isolation earphones.

When Maria asked me how I was, I didn't even think about it. Everything just started tumbling out... How I thought I'd finally found footing on my relationship with God, that intimacy and joyful love that I so yearned for. How I found myself back at that dreaded place where it felt like God was nowhere to be found. How I'm thinking, half the time, how to get back, where I'm going wrong, and how it's not helping in the least. Even though I was struggling to put my troubles into words at times, I never did worry what Maria would think of me, how this would affect our friendship, does she really have to know this... What you might think are silly uncalled for questions and doubts but that's how I usually think.

Is this the meaning of kingdom friendships? Frankly, there're easily 5 people who, in all other aspects, qualify as a 'better friend' than Maria. I don't even really hang out with Maria and Lirong. And yet, there's something supernatural indeed when we converse with each other, an understanding that transcends familiarity. And I think that was because we got to know each other only because Lirong introduced us. And Lirong only did because the three of us attend New Creation. Even though we are by all means great friends now, with Maria edifying me and me occasionally doing the same for her, the basis of our friendship was our Father, and church. Maybe that was instrumental in our unique friendship. And I'm really grateful to Abba for that, and of course to Maria! If she hadn't bothered to ask, I wouldn't have bothered to talk. And the three of us during break later prayed for a cloak of protection around each of us, among other things. I didn't feel extra good after that, nor was I glowing in the Lord's love like I wanted to, but somewhere inside, I know it's not too far away.

O [the] depth of [the] riches of both [the] wisdom and knowledge of God! How inscrutable [are] His judgments and unfathomable His ways! ------------------ Romans 11:33 (ALT)

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